


Sweetest Devotion

by Demiboywonder



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Fluff, M/M, Mutual Pining, Pining, The Wildmother ships it, They're bad at taking care of themselves
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-04
Updated: 2020-06-04
Packaged: 2021-03-04 02:08:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,018
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24545932
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Demiboywonder/pseuds/Demiboywonder
Summary: Caduceus has learned a lot since joining up with the Nein, yet some things are still a mystery to him. Fjord feels, and he feels with intensity. The two who go the most out of their way to take care of others may just need to find each other.
Relationships: Caduceus Clay & Fjord, Caduceus Clay/Fjord
Comments: 2
Kudos: 71





	Sweetest Devotion

Caduceus couldn’t point out when the feelings had actually started. He would cook for the crew, make sure they all were fed and happy, while also allowing himself his own minute of reprieve. He would clean up the mess they inevitably left, he loved Nott truly but she definitely ate like he assumed a goblin would, and he would let his mind wander. Maybe to the days activities, the stress that still came with his traveling companions, or what to prepare for the next day. Tonight, though, his mind wandered to something else. To a deep timbre, a smile that always seemed just a little haunted, a scarred face that gave him a feeling of home. The thoughts were shocking, almost throwing off his usual concentration. When did these thoughts creep in? When had the man who had come to be one of his closest companions in this group come to haunt his unconscious thoughts? Maybe he needed to pray on this. Maybe this was some kind of sign. The Wildmother had never pointed him in a wrong direction before. She cared for Fjord just as much.   
“Are you okay there, Duces?” The voice in question sliced through his thoughts just as easily as he did with a sword in hand. Fjord. His dark eyes filled with concern, though his tone had been teasing. He was always bad at hiding how he truly felt. It was comforting.   
“Yes. Yes, I’m okay. Just lost in thought.” He responded, a small smile on his lips. Finally out of his stupor, yet ignoring the way his pulse quickened in his chest, he walked towards the small kitchen to start cleaning the dishes. Fjord followed behind, leaning against the door frame as he casually observed. Caduceus would never understand why the others found his way of doing things so fascinating, but he wouldn’t complain. He liked to show them how he lived.   
“Want some company? I find some conversation helps get me out of my own thoughts.” Fjord offered, not moving from his spot in the doorway. He would wait for Caduceus to decide. He was so thoughtful.  
“Ah...I think some company might be nice. Thank you, Mr. Fjord.” With those words, Fjord finally stepped into the kitchen and made his way to the sink. He picked up the dishes Caduceus had finished washing, patiently taking a towel and drying each one before setting it aside. He would put them away once they were finished. The interaction didn’t feel forced. It wasn’t rushed, it wasn’t pressured to be anything. The two worked in amicable silence, finishing the work quickly. Turning to truly look at the man for the first time since the meal, he was met with his profile as he put the dishes in the proper cupboard. Fjord’s green skin always looked so soft, even with all that he had been through. His resting face was one of concentration, the slight downturn of his lips hiding the small protrusions of his long ago broken tusks. Through scars and pain, the man always felt so kind. He was gruff, he was awkward, but he was Fjord. That made him perfect. Finally, his wandering eye was caught, Fjord offering a soft smile in response. “What?”  
“Nothing.” Caduceus said softly, a small smile of his own on his lips. His ears flicked, the only sign of embarrassment on his features. He was good at hiding his feelings. It was an odd sensation, one he had never experienced before. Living in the graveyard meant he was by himself, save for the occasional person coming to mourn or someone seeking solace in the Wildmother. No one who ever stayed long enough to get attached to. It was simple then. He saw the others as friends, nothing more. People he felt attached to enough to want to stay and protect, but Fjord was different. He understood, or at least tried to. He accompanied him on his late nights meditating, when he himself hadn’t been completely sold on the idea of the Wildmother just yet. He somehow knew when he needed someone to talk to versus when he just needed someone around to share the burden that came with existing in this world. Was this what having feelings for someone felt like? The rush of adrenaline in your veins, a fluttering heartbeat, a longing that was somehow exciting and sad at the same time. It was almost overwhelming in its own right, but Fjord was a comforting energy. He would take anyone's burdens on himself if it meant making life easier for someone else.   
Even as perceptive as he was, he never noticed the way Fjord’s glaces tended to linger just on the line of too long. Never saw the way Fjord always jumped at the first chance to help with cleaning or prepping food when he didn’t know the first thing about cooking. While Caduceus was looking inward in hopes of an answer, Fjord was completely hopeless.   
He was in so deep he had no idea what to do. The sight of long pink hair, a large frame that never seemed to feel intimidating, a smile that would calm even the most ferocious of hearts, and a voice that always put his tense muscles at ease. They hadn’t known each other for very long, but Caduceus already had Fjord wrapped around his finger. The demons in his mind always seemed quieter around the firbolg.   
There had been a few times in the young half orc’s life where he had assumed he knew what love was. Those times would always end in heartbreak, in danger, in ways that left him both internally and externally scarred. This, though, this felt different. Was it safe to call this love? Was that why he craved the company of the bigger man when he was gone, why he felt so fiercely protective when things were getting to be too much? Why he actively searched for him in the night to meditate by his side, even when all he would do was take the chance to steal glances when he wasn’t looking? Gods, he was in love, wasn’t he?  
The scariest part? He wasn’t scared by it. He welcomed it, even though he wasn’t sure if Caduceus would ever feel the same way about him. If it meant he was able to protect the gentle man who held the secret of life and death in his hands, he would live with this longing ache in his chest forever. They were both in so far over their heads, they couldn’t tell that they were in it together.  
Once the dishes were put away and the days messes were finally cleaned to the firbolg’s liking, the pair wandered outside. The air was calm with just enough of a chill to be comfortable. Caduceus always preferred the cold. They sat, so close they could finally touch if one dared to be so bold. The sky was almost completely clear, save for a few sparse clouds here and there. The stars were bright, the moon shining like the most gentle spotlight just for the pair. Caduceus looked up, his ears folding down as he relaxed. Fjord always wondered what they would feel like. “So, have you had much time to meditate?”  
“No, not really. Things have been...complicated.” Chaos was still difficult for him to adjust to. It was a process, one he still was trying to come to terms with. Fjord could definitely understand that.  
“I’m sorry about that. If you ever need an out, you know you can come find me.” Fjord offered, tilting his head so he could get a better view of the man next to him. His features always seemed so soft, so warm and inviting even when going through everything they had in front of them. It fit his personality very well. Everything about him was kind.   
Caduceus let out a soft chuckle, his tail swaying lazily behind him before settling back. “I know, and thank you. Maybe we can, ah, plan to do this...together?” A hint of hesitation managed to make its way into his voice, his ears flicking just enough to give away his nervousness. Traitorous. “I know you still want practice speaking to her.” Excuses. He didn’t know if the Wildmother would be disappointed or find it amusing. Probably the latter.   
Fjord noticed the twitch, the soft hesitation in his voice. Was that...something? Something he should be looking for? Maybe...maybe that meant something? No. He was definitely just reading into things. “I would like that. Very much, actually.” He always had a hard time admitting that their adventures were taxing. He was one of the anchors of the group, which meant he couldn’t show that kind of weakness. Caleb was getting better, but not what the group needed. The rest were live wires that could self-destruct at any moment. This was a burden he would have to take on. That didn’t mean it was easy.   
Caduceus wished he could ease his tension. The only things he had to offer was tea, food, and meditation. It always worked for him, and it seemed to be having the same effect on Fjord after some time. Maybe that was enough. “I can see how much you’ve been taking on by yourself recently. You know, you don’t always have to be strong, Mr. Fjord.” His voice had taken on his gentle tone, the one he used that signaled that the members of the Nein better listen.   
The words earned a sigh from the half orc, leaning back on his hands to try and relax. Of course Caduceus was right. He was always right. “I don’t know if that’s true.” He said softly, his calm tone mixed with uncertainty. “I care about this group. I want to see them improve and be strong together. I want to see us succeed, but sometimes...sometimes that feels too far off.” It was no secret that Fjord didn’t approve of some of the tactics they used, but if it reached their goals, who was he to complain? Pain radiated off of Fjord in waves, though he never spoke about it. He couldn’t.  
Maybe…maybe now was the time to be bold. A small light streaked across the black sky, almost as if the Wildmother was answering his thought. Fjord needed comfort, and Caduceus would gladly be that for him. Gently, he moved his hand to rest on Fjord’s behind him. The touch was light, almost shy. Even a touch that small sent sparks up his arm and down his spine. The way Fjord jumped meant he felt the same thing, but neither pulled away. Fjord turned, his yellow eyes meeting soft pink ones staring back at him. Heat came to his cheeks, making him flush a darker green. “I want to help, Mr. Fjord. I, ah, I care about you. You take the pain from so many others, let me take yours.”   
Fjord didn’t know how to respond at first. His mind had gone blank when he felt the touch on his hand, trying desperately to find a hint that this was really happening. Was Caduceus…was this real? Once his mind was finally able to catch up, all he could do was stare. Caduceus was looking at him, speaking to him, touching him, helping him. Gods, what did he ever do to deserve such a wonderful man in his life? Finally, he realized he needed to answer and not just stare. “U-Um, yeah. I...I think I would like that. Very much, actually.” He said, mirroring Caduceus’ words from earlier that night. It earned a soft smile and a flick of the other man’s tail. That was good. It was always interesting to see how the firbolg’s tail or ears would move with his moods. A matching smile crossed Fjord’s lips, something that hadn’t felt truly natural in quite some time. The two who suffered in silence, the ones who carried the burdens of those they cared for, those who played the strongest, finding solace in each other. It felt right.


End file.
